When a bad day is your own fault

What happens to us when we are having a bad day? As much as I like to inspire and encourage people to always be pushing to do their best, remain positive and reject negativity, it is unrealistic to think that every day will be perfect. We are going to have bad days that are out of our control. There is no getting around it.

What’s really important though is how you handle yourself during these unfortunate circumstances.

We have several choices that we can make when things aren’t going our way. One, we can play the victim and just allow ourselves to think that the world is out to get us. We can say things like “why me” or “I don’t see this happening to anyone else”. This kind of perspective will continue to attract more negative things to happen. If you have ever reacted to a bad day like this you probably noticed how “nothing goes right”. This is because you are only focusing on the negative and when you are focusing on the negative, that’s all you are going to see. When the negative is all that you see, you will struggle to get out of this terrible loop of emotions. You can become depressed and you can feel alone. It is not easy to break the focus on negativity; most people can’t do it at all. Take a look at the news for example. Why is it that people get so scared to go live their lives the way they want to? Maybe someone wants to be informed about what’s going on in the world and turns on the news. Do you think they are going to see something positive? It’s doubtful. Could it be because the news networks are consistently pushing shock and negativity? Sure, it’s great to know what is going on in the world, but do you think that it benefits you to watch something that is constantly trying to elicit an emotional response from you so that you will continue to come back for more? Negativity spreads faster than positivity which makes it that much more important to be aware of it and reject it as much as possible.

The second choice that we can make is to allow ourselves to just shut down and become a beacon of negativity ourselves. We allow ourselves to not only start focusing on the negative things that are happening to us and around us, but we will start to spread the negativity. Allowing ourselves to start spreading the negativity does nothing good for anyone involved. You are not only focusing on the negative but also getting other people to do the same. You need to avoid this behavior at all costs. This is the type of mentality that will have you saying things like “If I can’t have it, then no one else can either” or “who cares if they’re not happy, it’s not my problem”. Statements like these are the type of things that turn people off. If you are trying to be a better person and you hear someone saying these types of things, would you want to be around them? Of course not, but so many people fall into the trap of becoming just like that. People want to fit in and if that means that they have to go along with the mindset of the people around them they will do it which is going to bring me to the third option.

The best choice you can make in my opinion is to analyze, understand, and learn from what is happening. How many times are we having a bad day because of something that was preventable? How many times are we having a bad day because we procrastinated? How many times are we having a bad day and “want” to continue to have one so that we can complain to someone and get their attention? It seems ridiculous when you read it but can you honestly say to yourselves that you have never put yourself in a similar situation. It’s not that unfortunate events won’t happen in your life if you remain positive, they will, it’s a part of life. But you can minimize the negative impact on your life by being proactive. You can understand that it is not always something that is happening to you and that maybe it was because of you. You can minimize the impact by learning from previous experiences that put you into an unfortunate situation. Why are you in the position you are in?

I’ll tell you a quick little story about a day I had recently and give you an example of what I am talking about.

I am in the middle of a small renovation in my house right now. One of the things that I am doing is replacing the floors with new flooring. After ripping up the old floors I had a pile of garbage that needed to go to the dump. I have a pickup truck that has over 330k miles on it that I use for things like this. This truck has always been good to me. I put almost all of those miles on the truck and know every little quirk this truck has and what is potentially going bad on it. At 330k miles, I don’t want to be putting a bunch of money into it because most of the time the truck now sits around waiting for my next project. One of the issues that it had that I was aware of was a small exhaust leak. The exhaust was getting weak because of its age. The last time I was at the shop with it they told me about it and told me that it really needed a new exhaust. I decided to procrastinate and not have it done.

Getting back to the dump run I knew that I should get up early to do it. It was supposed to be over 90° without any cloud coverage. I decided to go in the afternoon instead. I loaded everything up and went on my way. When I got to the dump I could see there were seven vehicles waiting to unload into dumpsters that were filled to the brim. Everyone was told that they could not put any more garbage into these dumpsters and that they had to wait until they emptied them. I was told that they had called for that to happen one hour ago and it was still not done. This meant that I was going to be there a while. Once they brought an empty dumpster people were highly agitated due to the heat and having to wait. They were nasty to each other and were arguing back and forth about who should be unloading first. After another hour I was finally able to unload and started to make my way back home.

While driving home I noticed that something didn’t sound right with the truck. I pulled over and had noticed that the exhaust that I opted not to replace had basically started to fall off of the truck. So now I was spending time on this hot day, on hot pavement, with a hot exhaust trying to strap it up so I can get the truck home. This took me about another hour before I was finally able to make my way home.

So, what were my choices? I could have just played the victim and complained about it. I could have gotten upset and been nasty to everyone else I encountered for the rest of the day to make them as miserable as I was at the time. Both of those choices are unacceptable in my opinion. What I decided to do was think to myself about what I could have done to prevent this situation or minimized it. In this situation I could have gotten up early like I knew I should have and gone to the dump in the morning. This would have probably saved me at least an hour and a half and been a cooler temperature. The dumpsters most likely would not have been full because it was early and even if there were a line of people waiting to unload it would still have gone faster than it did in the afternoon. As far as the exhaust falling off the truck, that may have still happened that day. But if I had replaced the exhaust on the truck when the mechanic had told me that it needed to be done, I wouldn’t have been in this situation.

This is not the end of the world as far as problems go. I still had a bad day, and it was 100% my fault. That may not always be the case but it just goes to show that sometimes we are the reason, and we have it in our power to be proactive.

I will leave you with this. Being proactive is hard sometimes. We don’t always see the fruits of our labor but it is a discipline that is worth working on. If I had practiced it more, I may not have had this bad day and maybe I would have been more productive and gotten more done. Instead, I spent my day paying for my procrastination.

Face the sun

For those of you following along with the 30-day challenge you’ll know that the challenge on day 9 was to set a goal for the next 21 days. I am not just putting this challenge out for those who decided to take it on but am doing this challenge along with you because these are things I struggle with as well. Anyway, my goal on day 9 was to run or walk every day for the next 21 days.

The area I am in at the moment gets pretty hot and humid so my wife and I decided that we would get up early this week to do it before it gets too hot. The temperature this morning was 82 degrees Fahrenheit with 85% humidity and it was clear skies.  I am staying on a narrow island right now that runs east to west.

Getting up this morning I wasn’t sure I felt like running, but because I set this as my goal I was going to go whether or not I wanted to. That is the point of the discipline challenge. So, I got dressed put my shoes on and took that first step out of the door.

I decided to start my run/walk going west. Being early morning here on the island this meant that the sun was low on the horizon and at my back. I had a pretty decent wind in my face which made me have a little bit of resistance, but it gave me a nice breeze that helped me stay a little cooler, so it was worth it.

Once I got moving, I started to feel a little better and picked up my pace. I went from a warmup walk to a 2-mile run west. I hit my turn around point and wow how my world changed. I now had the heat and sun hitting me right in the face with the wind at my back. I lost the breeze to my face and had no shade at all. It was brutal!

I had two options to get back to my starting point. Two main streets that ran directly east into the sun. There were many cross streets that had lots of shade on them from the trees and houses. I thought about how nice it would be to be running in that shade and then I started thinking about how it is a perfect metaphor for life. Sure, those streets would be more comfortable to run on because it would be cooler. I’d have shade and I wouldn’t have the sun beating me in the face but If I decided to run in the more comfortable zone, I would not be making any progress towards my destination. I would only be making lateral movements.  

Sometimes life is going to be hard and no matter which street I took to get to my destination I was going to be facing the harsh elements that were presented to me. It was hard to look up as it is sometimes in life. Sometimes we are beat down and it’s difficult to face what is in front of you but the only way to get to the destination that you set is to pick your head up face the sun, put one foot in front of the other and push on.

The Hardest part is getting started.

As I sit here trying to figure out how to start this blog, it becomes clear to me that this is the problem. People don't know where to start.

They don't know how to start exercising. They don't know how to start managing their finances. They don't know how to become more organized. They don't know how to build better habits. The list can go on and on. We all struggle with it in one way or another.

Not knowing where to start is such a common problem, and you see it every day. With so much information at our fingertips, why is this still such an issue?

Is it a lack of motivation? Is it the way solutions are presented? Do people really want to change their lives, or do they simply like the idea of changing their lives?

These are the kinds of questions that keep me awake at night as I think about the best way to help someone get started.

Starting the Daily Discipline Project is one of the ways I hope to do that.

I've struggled with many of these things myself, and in some ways, I still do. I'm not sure anyone ever completely escapes the rollercoaster of emotions, doubts, and setbacks that come with trying to improve their life. Every time we try to change, we face resistance. We overthink. We hesitate. We wait for the perfect moment. But the problem is that the perfect moment never comes.

So, the question becomes: How do you help people get started when the decision ultimately belongs to them?

I could post motivational quotes. I could tell people to work harder. I could remind them of what they're capable of becoming but is that really enough?

I don't think most people need more motivation. I think they need a starting point.

They need one small action that they can take today.

One incremental step.

One challenge.

One decision.

I believe mediocrity has become so common that many people have forgotten what it feels like to intentionally build a better life. We are constantly surrounded by distractions, convenience, and excuses. Average begins to feel normal and if we accept that, progress will begin to stall.

But we don’t have to accept that.

The Daily Discipline Project isn't about becoming perfect. It's about taking ownership of your life one decision at a time. It's about proving to yourself that you can follow through. It's about building confidence through action instead of waiting for motivation to arrive.

Motivation comes and goes.

Action is what creates momentum and momentum is what changes lives.

So, if you're wondering where to start, start here:

Choose one thing you've been putting off.

Take one small action today.

Not tomorrow.

Not next week.

Today.

The first step may be small, but every meaningful change begins with one.